Sunday, September 5, 2010

Groovin' on a Sunday Afternoon...

Dear People of the Autobahn,
I tried renting a car in Europe. I assumed everything was fine with my reservation until a friend of mine said, "Well, are you sure the car is an automatic?" Huh? They still make cars with a manual transmission? Apparently outside the good old US of A, people like to drive stick. I don't like it.

If I am going to drive somewhere, do I really want to work any harder than I need to? In fact, I will put to you that I work too hard already! Hey, makers of mobiles... yeah you with the glasses on! Adding celebrity voices to Garmin and TomTom is a waste of manpower. I am not better served having a Yeti direct me to the nearest gas station. If you can put cruise control and GPS into my car, then I think you should be able to drive the car for me. I mean really, how much worse can you be. Besides, it would be a huge seller. Do you know how hard it is for people in bear suits to drive with those big paws?

OK, so we established you're driving my car. Well, I am going to need a comfortable backseat then. How about a hammock for a backseat, so I can rock myself into a power nap. Yeah, that's nice. Oh, and tailfins are a non-negotiable.

Now for the icing on the cake. If I've learned anything about the future in movies, it's that cars that drive themselves need a robot to occupy the driver's seat. Now, I am just putting it out there, but how about a wax replica of your favorite actor. You can have the replica say movie quotes during the trip. I'd choose Arnold Schwarzenegger and have him do Julie Andrews quotes from Mary Poppins. Of course, it would need to be Julies Andrews' voice and maybe a song or two from the movie. Did I mention the bear suit?
Dum Dum Dum,
Another One Bites the Dust!


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